For an Hour in Summer

My skin was almost red. So painfully burnt that even the slightest wind made it sting. My throat was rough, drier than it ever has been. My lips were chapped and cracked and tasted of saltwater. My clumped hair was almost dry, rougher and curlier than usual. My whole body was badly sore. Exhausted. Smiling left wrinkles at the corners of my eyes and hurt my sunburnt cheeks but I couldn't help it. I just had to smile. That time, nothing mattered because I was happier than I have ever been.

It happened not so long ago. In fact, it was just about two months ago, summer of 2014. I haven't seen my cousins for almost four years since they moved to America. We practically grew up together and are very close. It was on June 2014 when I finally got to see them again in the flesh. They even brought a few friends with them. They were only staying for a couple of weeks so I was looking forward to every single day of their stay. I didn't have time to be passive. That's why even if I'm really scared of deep waters because of a few traumatic childhood experiences, I was all pumped up by the idea of riding a boat, visiting nearby islands and above all that, hanging out with my cousins. I was nervous but who knows when we'll see each other again?

The boat ride wasn't as bad as I thought. I was scared but the fact that I was not drowning relieved me. The wind felt good on my face. The sun shone really bright and the sky, almost cloudless. It was a perfect day to go island hopping. My island was getting smaller as one after the other new islands I do not know of came to vision. Of course, I sat on the safe side of the boat. I was too much of a coward to sit on the edges. Still, I was very scared. Scared of the deep waters, scared of drowning.

The thirty-foot waters were so clear that I forgot how nervous I was. Sitting on that boat was like riding an aeroplane. The sea was a glittering sky. Underwater, there were mountains of rocks and the trenches were valleys. We were all dazed by the occasional passing of schools of large silver fish and huge corals I have only seen in my textbooks. It was almost magical but I still didn't risk sitting on the edges. In spite of the beauty of the sea, I was still very much afraid of it. Yes, the sea was like the air, except you couldn't breathe in it.

Our first stop was a small island called Pandanon. For a moment I wondered how the natives got their electricity, if they even got any. Or where they got their freshwater. They were just so far away from urbanization. I brushed that thought off when we docked and got a closer look at the island. It was stunning. Stretches of white sand, crystal clear water, almost like a postcard come to life. I enjoyed the water so much too. I always have enjoyed the beach and the waters since I was little.

Or should I say, I enjoyed the shallow water. I haven't been in waters deeper than four and a half feet without a life vest or something to hold on to. All my siblings swim really well though. Being islanders, we spent half of our childhood swimming so I guess that's how they got so good at it. But me, I always stayed close to the shore while they all raced to the deep. Waters reaching my nose cause me paranoia and panic so to avoid a scene, I preferred staying near the shore even if it meant isolation.

In about an hour or so, we were all back on the boat, off to another island. I took the same seat. The safe seat. As we got closer to our next stop, Gilutungan island, people started wearing their life vests and securing snorkels. We were going to the island's fish sanctuary. I was waiting for one of my siblings to take a life vest but none of them wore any. I waited until every single one of the visitors who wanted a life vest had one on until I realized there was none left for me. No life vest and I can't swim. Well, it's no big deal. I can't so I won't. It was fine. I could stay on the boat and guard our stuff.

Wait on the boat. That was my plan. But minutes later I found myself being transported to the sanctuary by a smaller boat, trying hard to hide my sweating palms along with my younger sister and one of my cousins. I tried to keep my snorkel and goggles on grip while my hands shake involuntarily. The water seeping into the boat made me think that we're sinking. Paranoia. The boatman rowing was nice enough to assure me that the sanctuary was not very deep and that people were there to assist us if ever something happens. Most of our company were already swimming as we reached the sanctuary. I was told by the boatman to jump in. He said that the boat might topple over if I didn't get off first. I wore my goggles and for a second, I hesitated. Maybe it was a bad idea.

I was on the water. I held on the boat as I submerged my head underwater. I looked down and there it was. The most amazing image my eyes have ever seen. The coral-covered sea floor was fifteen, maybe twenty feet below slightly tinted blue by the water. Fishes of all shapes and sizes were nibbling on the pieces of bread people were holding. They were in fine shades of green, yellow, blue, orange, gold - a whole colour palette of swimming creatures. The water was so full of creatures so beautiful that I didn’t know which way to look. If sitting on that boat felt like riding an aeroplane, swimming felt like flying. It's another world down there. I was awed by how nature was revealing itself to me. Then, I realized I wasn’t holding on to anything anymore. I was swimming on my own, struggling but surviving. I didn’t know I could do that.

I was snapped back to reality by my sister yelling at me to stop spoiling the moment. Other people shot me weird looks too. I was choking back sobs and saltwater. I didn’t know what brought me to tears in the middle of the sea. Sure enough, it wasn't because of the cramps my legs were feeling or the alarming amount of saltwater I've swallowed. Probably Surprise. Relief. Fulfillment. Adrenaline maybe. I couldn’t describe how I felt. I felt one with nature. United with the world. After eighteen years of fear, I finally had the courage to let go, even if it was for just about an hour. Everything was so magical and it was all real. The sea was telling me, showing me that it is alive. I knew I was alive but that very moment made me feel even more alive.

The happiest hour of my entire eighteen years of existence. Since that day I took every chance of travelling to places where I can connect with nature to relive that moment. I stared at the stars longer, walked home more often and cared less about being soaked in the rain. My skin isn't as burnt as it was two months ago but as of this very moment, I am still smiling. Even with my siblings still making fun of me for crying in the middle of the sea, I couldn’t help but smile. For an hour that day in June, the world showed me that it is alive. And it's life made me feel alive.